Journal excerpt. Nov 13. 2010.

One day I'll own a brand new Honda. And I'll finally know what it feels like to drive a NEW vehicle. I'll not have to worry about my car falling apart once or more per year.

One day I'll go into a book store and see a book on the shelf that reads "By Jamie Young" (or whatever pseudonym I so choose) and I will smile and touch the cover proudly.

One day I'll have stamps in my passport. Multiples. I'll go to Tokyo and Paris and Istanbul...I'll go anywhere and everywhere. Whenever I want.

One day I'll have a photography show at a studio in New York. And people will be huddled around my blackandwhites gushing over the perfection and emotion and beauty that I caught on film in that fleeting moment.

One day I'll buy my parents ridiculously expensive gifts JUST BECAUSE [but mostly because they deserve such]. Like a car or a house in Denver (they say they always wanted to live there) or even plane tickets to some exotic island for some romantic getaway.

One day I'll be the editor of a publication. Something amazing, but probably small.

One day I'll spend an entire summer on a beach. Any beach. A beautiful beach. And all I'll do is catch rays, drink super girly alcoholic beverages, and write [more].

One day...I'll be my own boss. I'll have the world at my fingertips. I'll be standing on my own two feet with the biggest smile on my face and I'll remember that I called it.

Lightsaber murder & new roomie mysteries!

I am utterly exhausted.

I honestly just thought about leaving the post at that. I did not sleep very much last night, at all. The sleep that I did get was full of dreams (many) and a nightmare or two (received an e-mail saying I did NOT get the job, etc.). My dreams, however, were both horrible and hilarious. All of the dreams I remember were like murder mysteries! In one of them, this man killed his mistress via lightsaber through the mouth. Hah!

I guess I really shouldn't find that amusing...but I do.

I've spent the majority of my day cleaning, organizing, trashing and moving. The apartment looks great, though! Well, besides parts of my room and my bathroom! But I need a break.

I am, supposedly, getting two - yes, TWO! - new roommates tomorrow and/or Sunday. I know nothing about them and have not lived with a) anyone I don't know or b) any females since...well, never!

I am thinking the worst, but of course my mind is wide open. Who knows?! Maybe I will get along splendidly with BOTH of them and we'll be like the Sex in the City girls!

Hahahahaha. Okay, sorry. I needed some humor today.

Despite the pessimist in me working over time, I truly hope this is beneficial to me as a person. I hope we get along and are respectful of each other (and each other's things/space).

We shall see!

Wish me luck!

Cloudy skies, cloudy dreams

It's 3pm and the sky is chock full of clouds and random bouts of lightning. I had sunbathing and swimming plans - along with other such sunny tomfooleries.

And now what?

Now, I sit inside and watch Buffy while drinking coffee and fiddling with my iPhone. (Unemployment and the lack of finances kind of ruin "going out".)

I rue today.

Onto other things: I keep having two recurring dreams. Well, one is never really the same but I always have a dream where I am smoking. Recently, I dreamt my brother Brent came to visit for my birthday and his gift to me was a single cigarette because he knew I wanted to smoke. This is very unlike Brent. But, nevertheless, I sat at the bar and smoked that cigarette. And it was wonderful.

...okay, enough with the smoking dreams before I have an ever worse craving.

The other recurring dream involves this mystery man. Or boy. - Boy because I feel as if, in the dream, I am actually younger than I am in real life (as is he). - My mother is always in the dream, along with Punk, and she drives me a ways to see this boy. And, along the way, Punk always ends up in some sort of kitty shenanigans. But I always make it to see the boy. And it's a relief. Yet, usually, right after I get to him...I wake up. And I am left shifting, trying to become comfortable again, so that I can drift back away into that dream and find out more about my mystery boy.

I'm curious. And the dream felt good.

I'd like to go back to sleep, now.