A love letter [excerpts]

I want to feel needed, wanted, sought-after. I want you to surprise me with things. I want you to gush romantically about how great I am. I want you to walk next to me. I want to feel your hand on the small of my back. I want to cuddle you into oblivion. I want to latch onto you, and you me, until we fall asleep. I want to act out fantasies with you. I want to give you space; I want to never leave your side. I want to glance up, only to catch you smiling at me. I want to watch you sleep. I want you to brush my hair from my eyes/forehead/behind my ears. I want to tell everyone how great you are, and how much I adore you. I want you to tell me jokes until I spit milk out of my nose. I want to slow dance with you. I want to have a song. I want to whisper sweet-nothings, and seductive somethings, into your ear when you least expect it. I want to have sex with you in a public place, in public places. I want you to sing to me; I want to sing to you. I want you to come up behind me, and wrap your arms around me. I want you to make me feel safe. I want to just stare up at the sky with you. I want to beat you at games. I want to encourage you. I want to amuse you. I want to still get chills when you kiss me. I want to know that if I fall, you'll be there to pick me up. I want to know that when I cry, you're there to hold me tightly and tell me it will all be okay. I want to know that if I'm in trouble, you'll help me, you'll come to my rescue in any way you can. I want you to open doors for me; I want to open doors for you. I want you to completely trust me, not doubt me. I want you to make me laugh when I'm mad at you. I want to be best friends, and so much more. I want to set aside time for us: alone time. Just you and I. Whether we cuddle and watch a movie, go out to dinner, or take a bath together. I want to just sit and talk with you. I want to get dressed up and go out on a real date - and not just once. I want to dress down and cuddle up on the couch, eat pizza, and play video games. I want to spend all day in bed with you. I want you to ask me to go with you places. I don't want you to demand or assume I always will, but I want you to genuinely want me to accompany you: your family get-together, to a movie with your friends, or when you move to California. I want to be completely comfortable with you, and you with me; I don't want us to become too comfortable and take each other for granted.

I don't want to cry over you for all of the wrong reasons. I don't want to wonder "Why?" or "What if?", but I want to jump in with both feet, you by my side, hand-in-hand. I don't want you to ever leave me alone at a party for more than two minutes, especially if I don't know anyone there. I don't want you to ever fear of telling me something...anything. I don't want to feel disposable, ugly, fat, inadequate...but sometimes I may. I know my shortcomings and flaws are neither your burden nor yours mine. I am not putting my self-esteem on your shoulders, but that doesn't mean you can't do everything in your power to lift me up, make me happy, and make me feel sexy.

There is nothing like feeling sexy.

I want to make you feel sexy. And confident. So much so, that you sweat just thinking about how attractive and wonderful you are to me.

It's a give and receive sorta thing. It's laughter and crying and yelling and loving. It's hot and spicy; it's sweet and mild. It's hugging each other at just the right moment. It's just knowing the other needs to be left alone for a while; it's knowing that the other needs you at that exact moment. It's just sitting there, quietly; it's talking my ear off. It's silly and warm and sexual and hurtful and wonderful and beautiful...all at once.

It's not demanding, it's gracious. It's smiling and lustful. It's surprises and chivalry (on my part, as well as yours). It's always remembering the important things, and why they're so important. It's sex and love and music and movies and dinners and dates and games and friendship. It's pet names and laughing at each other when we're being stupid. It's feeding each other finger food - or, sometimes, just shoving things [lovingly] into each other's mouths. It's reading quietly next to each other. It's pulling the car up when it's raining. It's playing footsie under the dinner table. It's going out of your way to pick me up a coffee when you know I've been up all night finishing a paper last minute. It's going out of my way to make you breakfast in bed...just because.